Killing Time
by Tumblebrutus
Summary: One particularly boring morning the Rum Tum Tugger sets Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer a challenge to try and liven things up a bit... xx


"...so she noticed Teaz sat there and went ter talk ter her. And then Oi jumped in frough the window, nicked 'er pearls off the table right next ter her and we legged it! She didn't even notice nuffink until we were almost 'ome!", Mungojerrie laughed.

It was a fine summers morning and most of the Jellicles were relaxing after breakfast. Mungojerrie was sat on an old car tyre with Rumpleteazer just behind him on a stack of boxes. Coricopat and Tantomile were sunning themselves on the car boot, Electra and Tumblebrutus were balancing along a beam behind the twins. Alonzo was busy cleaning his fur while Cassandra played with what was left of her food. Exotica was sat halfway up a stack of rubbish, Admetus was lounging behind her, Demeter and Bombalurina were lying in the later's den watching the others, Victoria and Plato sat close together on the old oven and Mistoffelees was curled up half under a pile of blankets.

"Then there were that uvver time. We went into a shop and Jerrie distracted the shop assistant wile Oi nicked 'alf the jewels in the shop! It were brilliant! Best piece of work ever. No one else could 'ave pulled that off and 'ave the people not suspect nuffink. We walked right out the shop wiv the most expensive jewels in London and they didn't even notice nuffink!", Rumpleteazer was practically glowing with pride.

"Is that right?", Alonzo said sarcastically, briefly glancing up from his fur.

Immediately Rumpleteazer was offended: "Wossat sposed ter mean, 'lonzo? Don't yer believe us or sumfink?" She glared at him.

Alonzo began examining his claws. "Well, who has actually ever _seen_ you pull off one of these amazing robberies?" He looked around at the other Jellicles. "Anyone?"

Both Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer looked outraged. "Wotcher tryin' ter say? Are yer callin' us liars or sumfink?", Mungojerrie snarled jumping up off the tyre.

Cassandra rolled her eyes and got elegantly to her feet. "If you are going to start fighting, I'm leaving. I can't be bothered with fighting so soon after breakfast." She jumped down and glanced at the twins. "Are you coming?"

In unison Coricopat and Tantomile nodded and jumped off the car boot. "Try not to kill each other," Coricopat commented before the trio turned and wandered off to the far end of the Junkyard.

"Wot would yer know any road, 'lonzo? Yer 'ardly ever leave the Junkyard. It's just too dangerous for yer, yer might get _hurt_," Rumpleteazer growled. She was actually quite upset that Alonzo thought they were making the stories up. As if they _needed_ to make anything up! They were the most notorious cat burglars in London, if not in the world! And here he was claiming their stories were all made up! It made her blood boil.

It was Alonzo's turn to look furious. "How dare you! You know perfectly well that I only stay here to guard the Junkyard and keep yousafe. I don't notice you doing anything helpful round here anyway. And if you don't shut up _you_ might get hurt!" He flexed his claws.

Mungojerrie hissed and jumped at Alonzo so he was stood almost nose to nose with him, teeth bared. "Are yer freatenin' Rumpleteazer? Because if yer are..."

Hastily Exotica got up and moved between the two angry toms. "This is getting out of hand. Stop it both of you!" She glared at them.

"Aw," said a voice from somewhere amongst the rubbish above them, "don't stop them, Exotica. It was just getting interesting!" The Rum Tum Tugger leapt down next to Alonzo and Mungojerrie with a broad grin on his face. "It would certainly liven up an otherwise rather dull morning."

She glared at him. "Don't encourage them. They're just bored and being stupid. We don't want anyone to get hurt!"

"You might not. I think a nice fight would really make my day. We've got nothing better to do after all." He winked and grinned again.

"Oh, pack it in!", Demeter hissed at him, "why did you come down here anyway if your just going to make trouble?" She gave the tom a withering look, which he didn't seem at all perturbed by.

"I heard Alonzo's comment and was going to make a suggestion," Tugger answered with a smirk.

Rumpleteazer was interested: "Wot sort of suggestion? Wot did yer 'ave in mind?" She had to admit that she _was_ rather bored. The partners in crime had nothing planned for the day and Rumpleteazer was already fed up of sitting around doing nothing and it was only early morning!

"A little competition," Tugger suggested, "it will give us a chance to see exactly how good you really are and it will give you two the chance to see which of you is the better burglar."

"Wot sort of competition? Wot would we 'ave ter do?", Mungojerrie asked. He had stopped glaring at Alonzo and was quite intrigued by the Rum Tum Tugger's suggestion. It sounded quite fun.

Tugger waved his paw airily. "I haven't thought of all the rules yet, but I suggest a burglary contest. Mungojerrie versus Rumpleteazer. Who can steal the most stuff in a given amount of time."

"Wot does the winner get? Is there a prize?", Rumpleteazer asked enthusiastically. She really liked this idea and was convinced she could win easily.

From behind her Electra's voice called out: "The loser should have to do everything the winner tells them to do for a whole week!" She and Tumblebrutus had stopped their game and were listening intently to the conversation. The later nodded in agreement: "Sounds fair." Electra beamed.

"Alright then," Tugger laughed, "the winner gets to order the loser around for a week. Sound fair? Do you both agree?"

Both calico cats nodded and grinned, each one sure they would win, both already planning what they would make the other do when they won.

"Hang on a second," Bombalurina called down from her den, "you need rules. You know, to make it a fair contest. We wouldn't want anyone cheating..." She smirked.

"Do we 'ave ter have rules? Rules are so borin'!", Mungojerrie complained.

Demeter nodded: "Of course you do! Otherwise it's not a fair contest, so you don't find out who's really the better thief. Then the whole competition is pointless." Mungojerrie looked crestfallen. "Oh, and if you break any rules you're disqualified and automatically lose," the black and gold queen added as an afterthought.

"So 'oo decides on the rules and 'ow do yer know we're not breakin' them?", Rumpleteazer wanted to know.

"We'll all decide together and them we'll judge who wins as well. That's me, Bomba, Tugger, Exotica, Electra, Alonzo, Tumble, Admetus, Vic, Plato and Misto. That makes eleven judges," Demeter decided, "and we can ask one of the twins to check at the end of the day whether either of you cheated."

Tugger was looking very smug that his idea had gone down so well. "The game starts at 10.00 am and ends at 9.00pm. That gives you eleven hours, same as the number of judges. We'll get Skimble to be the timekeeper."

"Wot do we need judges for any road?", Mungojerrie demanded.

Admetus answered him: "I presume it's in just in case you steal anything that might be breaking the rules or is really small or something. Then we can decide if it counts or not."

Demeter nodded in agreement. "That's what I had in mind."

Mistoffelees looked out from under his blankets. "No stealing tiny objects like peas. They'd be too hard to count," he said.

"Ok, what else?", asked Alonzo, who had forgotten all about the almost-fight by now.

"It has to be actually stolen. If a human or another cat gives you something it doesn't count," Tumblebrutus added.

Next to him Electra suggested: "Maybe you could make it that they aren't allowed to steal more than two items per house. Otherwise they could just take everything from the same house to save time. And after going to each house they have to bring their items back and put them on that tyre."

Plato glanced at Victoria who nodded in agreement and then turned to the group. "I suggest they're not allowed to steal off other cats. It has to be off humans. I really don't fancy having all my things pinched!"

Victoria added: "And that includes no stealing off each other!"

"And no hindering the other in any way," Mistoffelees said, "no deliberately stealing from every house before they get there so there's nothing left or trapping each other or anything like that."

"Right, so do you both understand the rules? Do they seem fair?", Bombalurina asked.

Again both calicos nodded. "Oi can't wait ter get gahn!", Rumpleteazer exclaimed excitedly, "this'll be great! There ain't no way Oi'm gonna lose. Oi can't wait until Oi win! Oi've already fought up all sorts of 'orrible fings ter make yer do wen Oi win!" She gave her mate an evil grin.

Mungojerrie scoffed: "Ain't no way yer gonna lose?! Ain't no way yer gonna win, more like! And don't worry, I've got plenty of fings planned for yer too wen Oi win!" He grinned back at her and winked.

Electra, who had dashed off, came back with Skimbleshanks. "I fetched Skimble," she called out, "he's got his watch with him and it's nearly 10 o'clock!"

Mungojerrie grinned. "Only eleven more 'ours until me glorious victory! 'ope yer won't be ter upset about losin', Teaz."

In reply Rumpleteazer stuck her tongue out at him.

Skimbleshanks jumped up onto the car boot. "Alrecht, ur ye baith ready? Guid luck tae baith ay ye! Main th' best cat win! Oan yer marks, gie sit, gang!"

Two calico blurs shot off out of the Junkyard as fast as their paws could carry them. At the entrance one turned right, the other turned left and soon they were both lost from view.

Mungojerrie had gone left. The houses this way were grander and the shops were more expensive. The value of the stolen items didn't count for anything in their contest, but Mungojerrie had a reputation to maintain! Even if he lost, he wanted his stash to be more impressive than Rumpleteazer's. He was not going to steal just anything, the loot had to be of a certain standard. He refused to lower himself to petty theft, just to beat his partner in crime.

He reached the first house and headed straight up to the front door. Taking a flying leap Mungojerrie grabbed hold of the bell pull and tugged sharply. This done he let himself drop down again and hid behind a large plant pot next to the door. Almost immediately the door was opened by a woman holding the hand of a small toddler.

"Damn! Stewpid child!", Mungojerrie hissed to himself under his breath. While adults hardly ever looked down, children often did and the toddler was only a little taller the Mungojerrie himself, so didn't even have to really look down to spot the cat. The calico assessed the risks. He would be risking getting spotted but as long as he got into the house that didn't really matter. It would just be easier if they didn't see him. Mungojerrie reached the conclusion that he would just have to risk it.

As the woman took a step outside to peer up and down the street Mungojerrie sneaked out from behind his plant pot and into the house. Luckily for him the toddler had been looking up at his mother, whining for food and both humans had completely missed the feline burglar.

Once inside Mungojerrie headed straight upstairs. In his experience most humans kept their valuables in their bedrooms, especially if they had young children who might break things. On the first floor landing he looked around. No one in sight.

One of the doors was slightly open, so Mungojerrie decided to check this room first. He crawled over to the door, keeping himself low to the carpet and peered through it. It was just the child's room. Probably nothing worth stealing in there. He moved on to the next door.

This one was more promising. It was a human female's room. They usually had jewellery which was light to carry and could be worth a lot, or else they had ornaments or other clutter, some of which may be worth getting his paws on. This, he decided, was the right room.

Pushing the door open carefully the tom slipped through the crack and closed it behind him. It was a very luxurious room, with a beautiful cream carpet and curtains and pink silk everywhere. Mungojerrie grinned. Rumpleteazer would have loved this room, plenty of light furnishings to leave dirty paw prints on. He made his way to the bedside cabinet, wiping his feet on the carpet in the process, which would have pleased his absent mate enormously.

The bedside cabinet contained several books, a pill box, a pair of glasses and a jewellery box. One of the books in particular caught Mungojerrie's eye. It was rather a thin book, but bound in red leather trimmed with gold. The writing on the cover was beautiful and twirly. He decided to take the book. It looked something special and he was prepared to bet Rumpleteazer wouldn't get her paws on any books.

Next, he tuned his attention to the jewellery box. It was an expensive-looking thing, but the jewellery itself was bitterly disappointing. Most of it was fake and rather tacky and the other items were old and broken. Mungojerrie threw it back into the drawer in disgust. It wasn't worth bothering with.

Picking up the book, he moved over to the dressing table. All sorts of bottles and creams covered every available surface. Powders and nail varnishes were piled next to yet more tacky, fake jewellery and there was a mountain of lipsticks taking up a large portion of the table. There were combs and hairbrushes and several mirrors, but nothing worth stealing.

The thief moved on, searching the rest of the room, but nothing else particularly caught his eye. Padding back over to the door, he listened carefully. No sound came from outside so he gently tugged the door to open it again. It opened without a squeak.

It looked like the child's room might have to do after all, so Mungojerrie headed over to it and slipped inside. This room was completely opposite to the messy adult bedroom. It was neat and tidy and everything was in it's proper place. Grinning the tom headed over to a shelf of toys. From the doorway he had already spotted what he was after.

It was a beautifully painted steam train, a perfect present for his father-in-law, Skimbleshanks. (After all, he reckoned, he might as well try and steal things his friends would like.) There was an engine with three carriages, all painted green with real brass wheels and decorations. There was even a tiny track for it to run on, but Mungojerrie decided this would be to heavy to carry.

Very carefully he pulled it down off the shelf and tucked it into his sack, along with the book. Time to be heading back to the Junkyard. In one fluid motion he leapt from the floor to the shelf to the windowsill. Unfortunately, he pulled the shelf off the wall in the process, but didn't really care. If the humans had heard it, it didn't matter. He had got what he came for and was leaving anyway.

With practised ease Mungojerrie slid the window open and began to climb down the ivy growing up the front of the house. In no time at all he had reached the bottom and was on his way back to the Junkyard.

Meanwhile, several streets away Rumpleteazer was sat in front of a antiques shop. She had decided you got more choice in shops and anyway, people were less likely to notice you than if you targeted houses. Shoppers never took any notice of anything. They were always to busy with whatever they were buying to notice something as small as a cat. Plus, there was the added bonus of being able to steal off the shoppers themselves as well. As long as she was outside at the time, the two-things-per-house rule didn't apply and she could get as much as she could carry before heading back.

Rumpleteazer was feeling rather smug about her tactics. She had already got three watches, a bracelet and a purse off passers-by and that was before she had even entered a shop. As a mother walked past her pushing a pram, she jumped up and grabbed the baby's teddy bear, that's arm had been hanging over the edge of the pram. Neither mother nor child noticed and they walked on past the little queen. With a smug grin Rumpleteazer stowed the teddy in her sack and got to her feet. It was time to go shopping.

A man in a smart dark suit entered the antiques shop followed closely by a small, calico shadow, which then dived behind a rather hideous blue and orange art-deco vase. Rumpleteazer pulled a face at the vase. It was truly horrible! Hopefully not everything in the shop was like _that_! If it was she had just wasted a good ten minutes of her precious time.

Quickly the young cat set off across the shop, heading for a counter near the back. From outside she had seen a stack of silverware on the counter that she wanted a closer look at. Reaching it, she checked there was nobody around before jumping up to inspect the silver. It wasn't brilliant, but it was pretty enough. Rumpleteazer helped herself to a miniature teapot with flowers engraved on the lid and a set of silver spoons with handles shaped like fish. They would do nicely.

Slipping them into her sack she made a dash for the exit and had vanished from sight before the startled shop owner could work out what had happened.

In this manner the day wore slowly on. Mungojerrie or Rumpleteazer or sometimes both of them at the same time would come sprinting back into the Junkyard, drop their stolen items and run out again. This they kept up all day, but the Jellicle's did notice that Mungojerrie returned more often and was more careful with his items than Rumpleteazer.

By 8.50pm there were two huge stacks on the car tyre but no sign of the two thieves. The eleven judges, Skimbleshanks and the twins had all assembled by the piles of stolen property and were now just waiting for the arrival of their two friends.

"Do you think they'll make it back?", Victoria asked.

Plato grinned: "I think Jerrie will but Teazer won't. He's made it back more often than she has."

At that moment Rumpleteazer rounded the corner. She was hurrying, carrying a sack full of something. At the sight of the assembly she grinned and broke into a trot. Her grin broadened when she noticed her mate was absent. "Jerrie not back yet?", she asked as soon as she reached them, "wot a shame. Oi'd never 'ave fought 'e'd be late." She grinned smugly. "Wot time is it?"

Skimbleshanks checked his watch. "It's exactly 8.59pm. If he doesn't gie back in th' next minute he'll be tay late an' his things won't coont onie mair."

"And o'course we wouldn't want that," Rumpleteazer giggled, "Oi'm sure Oi've won. Me pile is way bigger than 'is." She began trying to count the items.

"Leave them alone, Teazer," Demeter ordered, "you might be cheating!"

"Me, cheatin'!? Oi'd never...", the young queen broke off staring at the entrance to the Junkyard.

Mungojerrie had just sprinted round the corner and hurled himself through the entrance, almost bowling over Jemima and Pouncival who were playing with some old toys. He ran over to the assembly and dumped his sack on the pile.

Skimbleshanks smiled. "Jist in time. Ye waur almost late, laddie."

Mungojerrie grinned back and nodded, trying to get his breath back. Rumpleteazer looked disappointed.

"Now we should check if they played by the rules," Bombalurina commented, "before we go to all the work of counting. I'd be really annoyed if I counted all that and it turned out one of them had cheated anyway!"

Coricopat and Tantomile stepped forwards together. Briefly, they closed their eyes and seemed to be concentrating, but then Coricopat looked up. "They didn't cheat."

Everyone seemed to breathe a sigh of relief and the counting began. It took them the best part of an hour and there seemed to be a lot of arguing going on.

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer stood nervously side by side, not talking much. The tension was almost too much for them. Rumpleteazer began to hop from one paw to the other and Mungojerrie started drawing patterns in the dirt.

After what seemed like a lifetime Tugger straightened up. "We have a winner!", he said grandly.

The pair of thieves exchanged glances. "'oo is it?", Rumpleteazer asked.

Tugger smirked at her. "I was getting to that bit. The winner, with 136 items to 119 items, is...", he paused dramatically.

"Would yer just tell us!", Mungojerrie exploded.

"If you keep interrupting, you'll never find out. The winner is...Mungojerrie!", Tugger announced.

Mungojerrie jumped in the air and danced round his dejected looking partner. "Oi told yer Oi'd win! Now yer 'ave ter do wot Oi say! For a 'oole week! This'll be so much fun! As yor first job, yer can fetch me some food, Teaz." He smirked at her. Then as an afterthought he added: "Oh and by the way Oi've got sumfink for you lot."

It was a week later and the sun was shining again. It was early morning. Mungojerrie had just woken up. He stretched and yawned and made his way to the entrance to the den.

Rumpleteazer was still asleep, but plenty of the others were awake. Electra, Etcetera and Jemima were playing with their new teddy bears, Jellylorum was reading her new book, Skimbleshanks was teaching Pouncival to name the parts of a train using his new toy steam engine and Admetus was dozing on his new blanket. On reflection, Mungojerrie thought, it had been a brilliant idea to steal a present for each of the other Jellicles. They had all been so delighted with them. He grinned as he remembered the looks on their faces. It had definitely been worth it!

He cast his mind back to the competition. It had been great fun and it was hilarious ordering Rumpleteazer around, but most importantly of all, now no one would ever doubt that they were the finest burglars in the world!


End file.
